Sitting in our empty nest. Somehow this is my new existence. And though I am hardly the first person to experience it, here I am. And what strikes me is the absoluteness of this precise moment in time. It’s a thing that you prepare for years; raising children, getting them through the perils of school and relationships and maturing, and going through the tangled web of the college application process. And then it happens. You have a home without children. The grief comes from missing the people that you made into people that you actually like. What’s surprising, though, is that the grief is also deep regret for the ways that you unintentionally broke parts of your children. It’s the grief of knowing that you didn’t teach them some things. 

I am aware that I am lucky that I am not emotionally detached from my children. They know they can call, text, and come home anytime they want.  But this stage of life is over. My turn with them living with me 24/7 is very likely over. 

Here’s the kicker. The grief is not all about them. The empty nest is also a smack-you-in-the-face realization that you are, in fact, getting old and that you can’t actually hold onto anything. 

So, to my friends that have already experienced this transition into a new phase of life, please tell me more, guide me, offer your wisdom. To my friends that haven’t quite gotten here or will experience this differently, be gracious with yourself, but do the work because there’s a time that you won’t be able to grab your kids by the shoulders and look them in the eyes. Teach them how to do their own laundry and how to be kind and generous to other people.  Teach them how to ask someone to explain something differently that they didn’t understand the first time and teach them how to clean up after themselves. Teach them how to be curious about themselves and other people. Teach them how to use a calendar and teach them that your love for them is unconditional. Instill in them that they really can always find you for that unconditional love.

It really is satisfying to watch them fly.  And sad. And exciting to feel a new freedom and imagine possibilities for your own life. Good luck, everyone.